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65 Robert Mugabe Quotes Funny And Rib-cracking

Posted by | March 25, 2017 | Robert Mugabe Quotes

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65 Robert Mugabe Quotes

Robert Mugabe Quotes

 

Robert Mugabe was in born 21 February 1924.  Is a Zimbabwean revolutionary and politician who has been President of  Zimbabwe since 1987, having previously governed as its Prime Minister from 1980 to 1987.

The Top Robert Mugabe quotes.

1. “Big breasts or Small breasts, big butt or small butt, curves or no curves. Everything between every woman’s legs is ONE. My brother Stick to your wife, Be loyal to your woman.”

2. “The best way to punish your Dad is by joining priesthood so that he can call you “Father” and you will answer him “My son God loves you.”

3. “There is no record of a female Angel in the bible. Ladies, if any guy calls you Angel, trust me He’s a false prophet”

4. ” HOW TO WAKE UP EARLY?Set your alarm clock to Justin Beiber – Baby! You’ll annoyingly wake up every 5-10minutes before the alarm goes off. Simple!”

5. “Girls never seize to surprise me, they go around sleeping with businessmen, doctors and professors. My sister, success is not sexually transmitted; so stop sleeping with successful men and work hard.”

6. “My sister in 2016 you attended 30 weddings, 20 funerals, 40 Birthday parties and 80 church conferences but you are still single. What are you my sister, a tent?”

7. Some ladies are funny. They be like ” am virgin and I will die virgin, so I can be an example to my children My sister you need “sense tablet” for sure.”




Robert Mugabe Quotes 1

9. “Just A Reminder for the girls & ladies! 1 pack of quality Brazilian hair=78 bags of cement. I quality designer handbag = 10 tankers of water. 1 quality pair of designer shoes=1 truckload of sand. 1 iPhone 7= 6600 building blocks, These are enough to build a 2 bedroom flat. Ladies, please allow your boyfriends to be Landlords this year!”

10. ‘If you take more than 5 pictures just to choose one for a profile pic, you are ugly.”

Robert Mugabe Quotes on School Teachers

11. “A cow gives milk to the whole village but it does not make noise. But when a hen lays just one egg that cant even feed one child it crows and makes noise to the whole village to know that it has laid an egg. People who offer little help keep shouting and writing about it while those who are doing big things for people are silent. Keep quiet! if you are doing good things for others with your heart, not to be seen.”

12. “Most of our School Teachers taught us most of the lies we tell today. How could they tell us to “Write A Letter To your Uncle Abroad” When they knew most of our uncles were in the Village tapping palm wine or setting traps for grasscutter.”

13. If you have never spoken Chinese in your life My sister today it’s your chance repeat these words fast. MY SHOE SHALL SOON SHINE”

14. “The phone that I bought with my own money is now correcting my English. This is witchcraft in Technology.”

15. “Dating a girl who is not Educated is Ok until you text her “Good night babe and sweet dreams”
Then she replies with “Thanks my love and may your soul rest in peace. My Brother you will not find even the tiniest of sleep that night at all.”

16. “Any man that looks at a woman lustfully, has committed adultery already so technically, if you look at water lustfully, then you have taken your bath right?”

17. ‘The way people are celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ is serious. As if they won’t be the same people to kill him on April 16th and celebrate again.”

65 Robert Mugabe Quotes Funny And Rib-cracking

19. “A brave man is one who has running stomach and still wants to fart.”

20″Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that will wipe your buttocks today can be the part that will wipe your face tomorrow.”

Robert Mugabe Quotes on Women

21. “If you are a woman with beauty and no brains, it’s your private part that suffers the most.”

22. “Being dumped by a dark skinned girl is the worst thing ever. Because everytime you get home and see charlcoal, you get emotional!”

23. “All I hear is “Sex before marriage”. If that was God’s plan then you should have received your penis or vagina after marriage.”

24. “Don’t fight even over girlfriends. They are all over the country. If you can’t get one, come to Mugabe for assistance.” Robert Mugabe Quotes

25. ” If your Uncle or Aunt in the USA sent you Western Union yesterday then praise God. Because if he promised you today or even tomorrow then forget it. He’s coming back to you since Trump has won!”

26. “Don’t take relationship advice from your mom if you don’t know your father.”

27.”Shout outs to all the guys who visit their girlfriends in their home and put their phones on Flight Mode. Congrats Mr. Pilot for your overnight Piloting Degree!”

28. “You think there are demons  after you? Well guess what, if you stare long and close enough at the mirror, you’ll find them all, you either make peace with them or break the damn mirror.”




27. “Your mum raised you to be a good human and you ended up being a dog on Snapchat.”

Your friends are getting married. You're there claiming all men are players. My sister, be there, you will marry a referee."

29. “Ladies be like: I’m single and with no kids! Hey… if not for abortion pills, condoms, contraceptives, ejection method and others, you’d have been a mother of 20 non twined children by now!”

30.”Half of Africans will not make it in life and in business not because they are lazy but because they never help others grow their lives and businesses!”

Robert Mugabe Quotes on Wrestling

31.”Wrestling is useless and confusing. How can people without trousers fight for belt?”

32.”The distance between Egypt and Israel is about 613km. But it took Moses and the Israelites 40years to complete their journey. On the average each day, they walked only 43metres, yes, 43metres, almost half of what Usain Bolt does in 5seconds. I just wish Moses was around to explain this laziness.”

32. “If all Women in the world decide to pause sex until the cure for AIDS is found, Men would find the cure within 30 Days.” Robert Mugabe Quotes

33. “How do you convince the upcoming generations that education is the key to success when we are surrounded by poor graduates and rich criminal?”

34. “I am termed dictator because I have rejected this supremacist view and frustrated the neo-colonialists.”

35. “Africa must revert to what it was before the imperialists divided it. These are artificial divisions which we, in our pan-African concept will seek to remove.”

36. ” We pride ourselves as being top, really, on the African ladder. We feel that we have actually been advancing rather than going backwards.”

37. “All genuine and well meaning white farmers who wish to pursue a farming career as loyal citizens of this country will have land to do so.”

38.”As Africans, we need to ensure that our security systems are inter-twined. There are different areas of mutual interest we are going to develop.”

39.”Both sides have, therefore, something to rejoice about as, indeed, something to mourn about.”

Robert Mugabe Quotes on  U.S. and Britain

40. “Countries such as the U.S. and Britain have taken it upon themselves to decide for us in the developing world, even to interfere in our domestic affairs and to bring about what they call regime change.”

41. “Let those long distance philanthropists who want to romanticize shacks … tell us why they don’t allow them in their own land.”

42. “If your girlfriend/boyfriend has not taken a picture with you before just make that request and stop forcing Photo Grid to bring you together.”

43. “I am still the Hitler of the time. This Hitler has only one objective, justice for his own people, sovereignty for his people, recognition of the independence of his people, and their right to their resources. If that is Hitler, then let me be a Hitler tenfold. Ten times, that is what we stand for.”

44.”I can’t spell Dell, but I can spell hell, and he might be there one of these days.” Robert Mugabe Quotes

45.”Some of you girls can’t even jog for 5 minutes but expect a guy to last in bed with you for 2hours ???
Your level of selfishness demands a one week crusade.”

46. “It’s better for a man to be stingy with the money he has hustled for, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn’t even drill it herself.”

47. “Dating a slim or slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw adidas lines on your face.”

48. “Check your girlfriend’s body, if she has more tattoos or piercings, you can cheat on her. She is already used to pain.”

49. “Dear sister, don’t be deceived by a man who text you “I miss you” only when it’s raining. You are not an umbrella.”

50. “If you are ugly; you are ugly – stop talking about inner beauty because we don’t walk around with X-rays.”

Robert Mugabe Quotes on African girls

51. “It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days because each time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire”

 "Some women’s legs are like rumors, they just keep on spreading."

53. “Our votes must go together with our guns. After all, any vote we shall have, shall have been the product of the gun. The gun which produces the vote should remain its security officer – its guarantor. The people’s votes and the people’s guns are always inseparable twins.” Robert Mugabe Quotes

54. “If the choice were made, one for us to lose our sovereignty and become a member of the Commonwealth or remain with our sovereignty and lose the membership of the Commonwealth, I would say let the Commonwealth go.”

56. “The only white man you can trust is a dead white man.” Robert Mugabe Quotes

57. “It may be necessary to use methods other than constitutional ones.”

58. “I’ve just concluded – since President Obama endorses the same-sex marriage, advocates homosexual people and enjoys an attractive countenance – thus if it becomes necessary, I shall travel to Washington, DC, get down on my knee and ask his hand.”

59. “We need continuity in our race, and that comes from the woman, and no to homosexuality.
No John and John, no; Maria and Maria, no. I keep pigs and the male pig knows the female one.”

60. “Even Satan wasn’t Gay, he chose to approach unclad Eve Instead of unclad Adam.”

Robert Mugabe Quotes on same-sex couples

61. “If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.” Robert Mugabe Quotes Robert Mugabe Quotes

62. “I have died many times. I have actually beaten Jesus Christ because he only died once.”

63.” Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr Brown’s sense of human rights precludes our people’s right to their God-given resources, which in their view must be controlled by their kith and kin. I am termed dictator because I have rejected this supremacist view and frustrated the neo-colonialists.”

64. “Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit.”

65. “Racism will never end as long as white cars are using black tyres; if people still use Black to symbolize bad luck and White for peace, if people still wear white clothes at weddings and black clothes at funerals; as long as those who don’t pay their bills are blacklisted and not white-listed. But I don’t care as long as I am using the white toilet paper to wipe my ass.”

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